Transitioning

So it's been a while since I have posted, but everything is more of the same. Timmy is still here and I am transitioning to my life in San Francisco where I will be seeing my new neurosurgeon on the 10th. So here is a recap of what's been going on:

• I finished my internship in Austin (and passed!) then promptly gradumacated. One of my internship supervisors told me he was impressed at how well I handled my medical stress along with the stress of being a student in an internship. That made me feel proud of myself that I was able to finish and do something most people would not have been able to emotionally handle. 

• I got to see my dog again and had a splendid Christmas with family 

• I began and finished a road trip with my boyfriend from Tulsa, Oklahoma to my new home in Mountain View, California. 

I am very happy to be back in the San Francisco area, and things have seemed to become a bit easier. I'm not as angry and bitter about Timmy the Tumor, although I still harbor some resentment. I do forget  about it sometimes until I have a conversation with someone about my future plans. I've gotten used to telling people that I have not found a job and I don't know when I will take my occupational therapy registration test because I have to wait until the doctor tells us what the plan is. I've accepted that the next few months are going to suck, but hey I live in a beautiful area with a great support system. 

Graduation was hard for me. It started off emotional when I saw my grandparents and my grandfather teared up when he talked to me. I had a breakdown in the parking lot after that and freaked my dad out. It was hard to see my grandfather, who has enough health issues of his own to worry about, be so emotionally affected by my health issues. Graduation itself was just awkward. I had no idea who knew about my situation and who didn't so when people said "Hey how is everything?" I didn't know if they meant tumor stuff or just generally "Hey what's up?". It went by too quickly too. I didn't get to catch up hardly with anyone, because the large graduation crowd seemed to separate everyone. I did have some good touching encounters with classmates that made me feel loved and cared for. 

One thing I've realized through all of this is I really miss my maternal grandfather. He had three different types of cancer and numerous other medical conditions and handled it all with strength, optimism, and courage. I had mentioned to him before, and spoke about it again at his funeral, that he was a mentor to me and taught me how to be truly strong. I'd like to have him here with me now. He would make an awesome guide through all of this. 

Right now I am sitting on the couch next to my amazing, supportive, loving, etc., etc., etc. boyfriend who takes the absolute best care of me and I'm tearing up from typing about my grandfather. I don't want to be too much of an emotional cry baby. I cried so much on the road trip. Transitions are hard for me.  That's ok this post is long enough.

Alyssa